Wednesday, October 21, 2015

My Name Is Irrelevant

Hello, my name is irrelevant, what's important is that I'm an addict. Recovering addict. I was addicted to telling the victim story. The one where "bad things happen to me", and "woe is me" story.

Things got so bad for me I began drinking...but first, the back story.

My roots are deep in First Nation (Dine), and Aztec Indian.  To say alcohol is in my DNA is pretty much fact. My family, on both sides, are purveyors of spirits. They have an intimate relationship, one which has led many to am early death.

I began drinking heavily after my back injury. I was depressed, medicated with Vicodin and muscle relaxers.  I had a major life style change and not by choice! My thirst for alcohol was small at first but my body has a very high tolerance. As the weeks went by, the number of drinks increased until I was drinking Johnny Walker Red straight up, no chaser. That was my favorite, followed by Dirty Martinis. Because Vodka and Olive Juice!

This went on for a year. Maybe 2.

Old age makes me forget.

But I'll never forget the day I stopped drinking.

Many, many moons ago,  around this time, I went to a Halloween party with my best friend, *Nick. This party was a partay! Drugs, booze, pool, BBQ, the whole ensemble! They kept serving us drinks and lines, which we greedily drank and inhaled.
The next morning, because that's what I recall, I awakened in my bed and unable to recount the night before, it was hazy. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was safe. Nick had kept me safe and got me home safe. I got up to get dressed and walked to my closet and felt a wet spot on the carpet.

I thought, oh my God, I peed on the carpet.

Are you laughing yet? Or still in disgust?

I was horrified!

I had peed on the carpet right in front of my closet. Like an addict. Like someone who had lost it.

Because I had. In my world. In my mind.

I had blacked out and lost control.


That was my rock bottom.

I vowed then and there to never drink again.

To drop the addiction.

To let it go.

Too often we say it's an addiction and it has us in its grip, but it's us who won't let go.

We won't let go.

Until rock bottom.

Maybe not even then.

And everyone's bottom is as deep as their trauma.

My fear of loss of control was stronger than my desire to lose control.

Read that again.

At first, I drank to lose control, to forget, to let go.

By the end, I was terrified to lose it completely.

I found my line, my boundary.

But most don't. Desire is stronger than fear.

While I do see the addictive part of me rear is egotistical head sometimes, I decapitate it with gratitude. For I'm in a much better place now than I was then.

For that, I'm grateful.

I have compassion for those who are addicted because their rock bottom is deep.

So deep they are still falling.

Monday, September 28, 2015

My Birthday Week!

My birthday was on the 2nd, but I celebrate all month long! Hahahahaha!

I began the week with a lovely hike here in Big Bear.

On my birthday, the 2nd, I spent the day having cocktails with a very good friend and Bartender, Maryanne, and overdid it.
To remind me why I don't drink.
There was I time I was addicted to alcohol, but that's another story for later.
On Saturday I attended Mas Vidal's Open House in Echo Park. It was great to see friends and catch up in a healthy atmosphere and environment.
I was blessed to attend Hemalayaa's Cooking Class and was filled with love and joy in body, mind, and spirit. She began by making us a decadent chai masala, followed up with a restorative kichardi, accompanied by a cleansing kale salad. It was such a complete meal that I slept like a baby that night.  Check out her program, Enlightened Women ~ Leadership Program, as well! She has a gift to aid in transformation in a gentle manner.

The evening brought my sister, my friend Richard, my friend Maryanne, and myself together at the local bar which Maryanne tends. It was karaoke night.  Needless to say I got up but as a backup dancer, because that's what I do. Maryanne sang Airplanes by M.I.A. It was fun to reconnect with my posse from almost a decade ago. They are my How To Get Away with Murder crew. Ride or die. Haha!

On Sunday, I watched B. Lioness from the Humble Servant Band perform in a contest for best Female Reggae Singer at a local reggae venue. She was awesome, and humbly congratulated and celebrated with the winner. I had a great meal of brie quesadilla, garlic french fries, humus, and mac and cheese for the children. It was tasty!

We then drive back up the mountain and began a new week. Which I'm doing right now, too.
There should be a limit to how many times I do this.

Anyway, that's it.  Have some fun things I'm going to announce but maybe not.  Haha


Thursday, September 17, 2015

Bhakti Fest 2015

I'm not one for festivals anymore. Maybe as a youth I attended too many and I'm over it, or more so, it's all the people. Surrounded by so many levels of energy, it can be taxing, I've learned.
I was asked by Ms. Hemalayaa if I'd be open to assisting her at Bhaktifest West.
Ok, let's back up. I've known Hema for a while and absolutely adore her. She is a sweet and loving spirit. I'm blessed she's my soul sister! She was teaching yoga at the festival (a fantastic class which I was lucky to attend), and I was only too eager to assist and be of service. 
Bhakti is Sanskrit and means devotion. To God, Source, Uni-Verse. The festival is a group of people coming together to celebrate and sing (chant) to God. It's like saying the rosary, except in festival form with hundreds of people saying the rosary with you.
It's pretty amazing.
It was my first time and I was open, with no expectations. I was also blessed to be able to assist my yoga teacher Mas Vidal. It is always a blessing to be among like minded individuals who have the same goal. It's rejuvenating, invigorating, and inspiring. I attended 2 lectured by Jeffrey Armstrong, astrologer extraordinaire, and it blew my mind out of my head, as my 5 year old says.
But what I really took from the festival was this -
There's not enough love in the world.
There's not enough self love.
In order to establish it, we must begin in the physical, then mental, and then spiritual. Because we are not the body not the mind, but rather, Spirit!
This bhakti yogini is ready to serve all, for the greater good of all.
In love and devotion.
In service,
Jai Jai Yo Momma

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Saint James Garfield and the Taxidermied Bunch

This holiday season was filled with challenges. As they usually are, but this particular season has been tough because we moved to Big Bear, which is a resort town. The winter season is great, but brutal economic wise for the town folks like myself. Having been laid off from my gig I was already making plans to have Christmas in January, which is when I expected a check.
See, I was hired for a job but it took 2 weeks to start and then another 2 weeks for me to receive a first paycheck. Since my kids are little, I figured they would understand. The important thing is that we're together and healthy.  Right?

Well the generous spirit of Saint James Garfield appeared. On a whim I created an Amazon wishlist and commented. Now, I didn't imagine what would happen, or even expect anything. I was just doing my best for my 3 girls.

What happened next, blew my mind. Slowly, the items on my wishlist began being purchased. Not just one or two, but several!  I broke down crying.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my children receiving anything, or even that much!

I am so grateful for the Secret (& not so secret) Santas!

I am dedicated to paying it forward,  slowly and as I'm able.

Thank you!

May this year bring miracles, kindness, and joy into your life.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

I Loved the #Cantinflas Movie!

I learned a lot about Mario Moreno. As we type I'm also looking for Around the World in 80 Days.  The one with Cantinflas in it. 
This movie reminded me of my home. In the way that we spoke to one another. The double meaning, and innuendos that went back and forth like a tennis ball during Wimbledon. I learned to be quick witted without ever skipping a beat. It became a dance.
Which I witnessed in this movie. In one scene specifically they go back and forth and it was awesome. The second thing I noticed were all the sayings.  They were sayings I heard as a child, and continue to hear, and resonate with. Lastly, I learned so much about Moreno. He won a Golden Globe for Around the World in 80 Days. I had no idea he was even in American Films. I'm grateful for the opportunity to have watched the life  of my paisano on the big screen. It was long overdue.

I met the actor who portrays Cantinflas, Oscar Jaenada (pictured above). He really molded himself to both personas. A truly talented actor. The Director, Sebastián del Amo did a fantastic job of bringing the story and puzzle to life.  Bravo!



"Charlie Chaplin once commented that he was the best comedian alive, and Moreno has been referred to as the "Charlie Chaplin of Mexico"."

I am so excited to watch this film. I grew up with Cantinflas in my home. My mom was a child when he was in his young comedic days. 
I will never forget the saying my mom.always said to us, "Ahí está el detalle, dijo Cantinflas"
Which was originally "Ahí está el detalle! Que no es ni lo uno, ni lo otro, sino todo lo contrario." 

I shall report back my perception and views of the movie. I look forward to seeing his life unfold on the big screen. 

Meanwhile, LIKE CANTINFLAS on Facebook and use the hashtag #Cantinflas on Twitter and Instagram.
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Sunday, July 27, 2014

Rules for Sancho

Read this article.

Friend who posted it asked:

"Where are the rules for the side men?"

I was all, right? Where are they?
(In my head)...


Here's my version.

Rules For SANCHO

1. You are my cousin, if anyone asks. Act accordingly.

2. My time is mine. Be grateful I share it with you. Don't ask me questions. Ever.

3. Remember, you're my cousin. Especially in front of bae.

4. I might meet you at the 7 11. Might. Don't get excited. It's when I want. Not you.

5. Let me do all the talking. The less you say the better. Shhhhh.

6. Don't fantasize a life with me, it will never happen.

7. You know this is just for fun, right? Don't get caught up.

8. No, Bae never makes me quiver like that. Ever.

9. Do not try and impregnate me to keep me. I'll never leave bae.

10. The moment I decide it's over, respect it. There are many Sancho's in the sea. I wanna meet 'em all.

Oh ya, you obviously must be in call at all times. Be grateful I chose you. Many people would love to be in your position.

Sancho Lyfe forever.

OjO - In case it's not obvious, parody. But that article was not. Sadly.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

#Icad Week 3

Week 3 just flew by! This week was pretty simple for me. I'm trying to minimize my concepts into two or three steps max. I tend to overdue and layer in my normal creations, so I'm going for something different for this challenge. We'll see if I can continue the trend. 

Prompt #21
Repeating Pattern
I began with pearlescent watercolors for the background. I then added the OM and symbol. Simple but to the point. I love the color.

Prompt #20
Candy Wrapper
We attended a birthday party and this was in the bag. It's pretty normal for parties to hand out Mexican candy. I love all the spicy candies. Yum! I used one staple, then colored in the background with color pencils. I then used a marker to add doodles, text and border.

Prompt #19
Harry Potter
I had no inspiration for this prompt so I went of the grid and used a mantra I enjoy putting into practice. The background is ink, and the drops are as well. The chair is a rub on sticker, and the text are also stickers. 2 brads were added at the end of the card. 

Prompt #18
I used one brad here with scrapbooking paper. Added stickers at the top and bottom for some shine. Used my calligraphy pen for the text. This was easy. I am really enjoying the one staple/one brad creations!

Prompt #17
Polka Dots
Used a map of the brain for the background. Added the word polka dot from a dictionary. I used 3 punch outs and gems on top of those circles. Added text and voila - done. 

Prompt #16
Roll the Dice
Drawing those 3D cubes was so challenging. At least one came out good. I then used color pencils to fill in the background. I am really digging this process.

Prompt #15
I used a map of Los Angeles as the background, added stickers and words. This was real easy and the color combination just came together. 

I'm so happy that I'm keeping up! Hope you are enjoying this series!!


Sunday, June 15, 2014

Icad week #2

I did it! Second week completed! While I am finding I'm not keeping up daily, I am keeping up weekly. The size and prompts allow for the creation of these to simply manifest. So, without further ado.

This is Prompt #14. Magenta. I used my new watercolors for the background. I then cut out some magazine images and began gluing. This was easy and fast. 

Prompt #13. Book Review. Watercolors again. I drew the book first though. Then wrote in my review. Finished with watercolors.

Prompt #12. 
I suck at drawing these. I tried and tried, to no avail. so I cut them out and glued them to the card. I then added gesso and took a heat gun to it. Doing so added some awesome texture to this. I ink sprayed with brown and green and added some text. This was my favorite as far as technique, so far.

Prompt #11
Toy Camera
I was at a total loss for this prompt. Had no idea how to interpret. Then, boom. Stamped the background and added a Lion charm which reminds me of my daughter's favorite toy. Text was added last. Easy. 

Prompt #10
The Beatles.
I drew my girl first. Used color pencils on her. Then added some magazine pages. Finished with some text. I need to practice my faces way more. I have 40 or so more cards to do so. Haha! 

Prompt 9
I began by gluing down some scrapbook paper. Then added the book page, which I misted with ink sprays. I colored in the background with green Prisma Art Stix. Added the text and voila. Done. 

Prompt #8
I used magazine paper, and found this great image of Buddah surrounded by a mandala, which I layered. Used a white gel pen to outline and continue the mandala. Filled in the mala beads. 

I'm loving this. I can't get enough of these little index cards. I think this might me thing now. 


Saturday, June 7, 2014

Monday, June 2, 2014

Icad #2

Day 2 was a prompt which included circus tent. It brought to mind cotton candy and pastel colors. It also reminded me that life is to be enjoyed, and that is found with a positive outlook on life. Love in one's heart and joy on one's lips. I used acrylic paints and an old credit card to spread the paint. I then added gesso to mute the colors, but I forgot to take a picture (oops), I was in the throws of creating. 

I then thought to make a mask of a circus tent. I figured I could stick a phrase in there at some point. I used spray paint and a hand cut stencil. It puddled a little bit on the left so I used a paper to scoop up the rest. I like how it gave it a gritty texture. 

The phrase came to me and I pulled out my stickers. Since this is going to be a positivity and inspirational deck of cards for me, I felt the words and the circus tent go hand in hand. 

I then added some washi tape to break up the monotony of the card. I also added a pink punched out circle.

Used a black ink pen to add accents and finish the page. I really enjoyed how this came out. Nice and simple.

I'm having so much fun with these I've already made the next two! I highly recommend if you have a bug to create, draw, collage, paint, and are intimidated, start with an index card. They are the perfect sized canvas.

This phrase really resonated with me. Life is made of moments that are strung together, like Christmas lights. At the end of a journey we look back and we can see the lights strung together, and having that "Oh-Yeah" moment but in the thick of it we loose sight of that. We step to close and become devoured by life, by Maya, by the illusion. In this life I've chosen to love. Unconditionally. See myself in others. I also want to help other people find their healing power. I have been healed many times. There is more healing to do, and I look forward to it. To the growth. To the expansion. To busting out of the seed and spreading my roots.

I was able to blog both days because it's the weekend, however, I think I'll only be posting my cards on Friday, I have seven to show you (5 this Friday because I've already showed you 2).
Be well.